Blessed beyond measure....and income.

I'm 2 months into my best career move ever. I've been home with Brady and Brooklyn for 9 weeks now and just like when they were born, I can't imagine living life any differently. I love the complete freedom of being home and not having my brain owned by the pressures of a job. It took a few weeks for me to stop worrying about that job though! I was so conflicted for a while thinking about whether or not things were going ok for everyone else, all while trying to adjust to being home 24/7. As time has passed, my thoughts are focusing and our new routine is establishing itself. I relish the moments when Brady and Brooklyn are playing together laughing and jabbering to each other. I know these moments are fleeting and passing very quickly. I love the challenge of keeping up with laundry and overcoming my natural laziness when it's time to cook- AGAIN. (There's only so much you can do with hamburger and chicken!) Now that I'm settling into the full-time mom role, I'm picking up a new outlet. Tonight, I'm beginning a new kickboxing class at a local gym (Lead by the awesome Christy Ragsdale Hempen herself!) and I'm really excited to have something that is just for me. I've gotten back to pre-baby weight; not SHAPE mind you. I'm looking to this class as an outlet, a refresher for my brain and the opportunity to make me proud of myself. This has always been an area of great challenge for me, but I'm doing it with a different focus. Bring it on! All in all, this leap of faith has been a fabulous one. As only God himself could do. Thank you Heavenly Father for blessings more numerous than I know!

Wow. The last 7 years...

I'm having a real moment of reflection.  I am approaching another major life change and my heart and head are in a whirlwind.

In less than a month, I will be leaving my "career life" behind and embracing the challenge of being a "work at home mom" (I like the term WORK better than STAY, because I'm not just sitting around watching Soaps all day)

I am ecstatic at the blessing of being able to give up my income to raise my children and run my home; but I'm also very apprehensive about closing this chapter in my life.  I know this is right and the timing is His, but my flesh is panicking a little.  I've been through a lot of change, I'll roll with this one too.

7 years ago, I was newly married.  I was an elementary teacher.  I had a mother.  I had a brother.  I didn't have children.  I lived in Farmington.  I knew no challenge.

In 7 years, I have changed careers. I have known pain and tragedy.  I have left my hometown.  I have grown.  I have been blessed with the 2 most amazing gifts.  I have bought a house.  I have become a "minivan" mom.  I plan meals.  I grocery shop at Aldi's to stay on budget.  I put my childrens' needs before my own.  I've seen my body stretch and grow.  I've felt my babies inside me.  I've planned nurseries.  I've nursed illnesses.  I've run a business.  I've managed women (that's a feat in itself!) I've spun plates to keep everything moving forward.  I've been stressed.  I've been blessed.  I've been stretched.  I've been happy.  I've been TIRED.  I've loved this crazy life.  And now a new door opens as one is closing behind me.

This job has been so integral in growing who I am today.  I came to this center to keep my mind occupied during the hardest, most miserable moments of my life.  This job has saved my life.  (this is scary to put in writing) I was struggling with wanting to stay on this earth when I found this job.  I had never felt so much overwhelming pain before and I didn't know how to handle it.  I didn't want to handle it.  Then came St. Philips.  This job has been difficult and challenging, but it has introduced me to some of my best friends.  It has made me laugh.  It has made me cuss.  It has brought me joy and purpose.  It has been a huge part of my life and most importantly a part of my heart.  I guess that's why it's so emotional to leave it behind and take the next step of faith forward.

I know God is in the unknown, and that He has a master plan for my life and the lives of my children.  I welcome His guidance, His vision and His peace as I move forward.

Here's to the next 7 years!

Hearing His voice

I love serving a big God, and nothing is more satisfying to my spirit than knowing that I've heard His voice.
Now, He doesn't have a specific "voice" so to speak.  It's just a knowing that I have.  A peace that I'm doing the right thing and making the right decisions.  It can also be a knowing that I'm NOT doing the right thing and that I'm hiding in my comfortable-ness (is that a word?)

Over Christmas, I decided I was finally ready to listen to the whisper inside me and make the official move to stay home with Brady and Brooklyn.  I've always known that's what I was supposed to do, but ashamedly I battled with myself over whether or not I wanted to.  (That sounds awful to say out-loud!  Apparently my job provides me with a tangible self of worth and a superficial pat on the back. ) But, over the week I took of vacation to enjoy my kiddos, God gave me a peace and desire that the only people I need to perform for is 1) Him and 2) my family.

Chad and I talked about it at length, made sure we'd be ok financially and then made the official decision that I would be a full time mommy.

Since that moment, something has changed.  I feel a sense of value that is indescribable. A knowing that I'm doing what I'm called to do.  That I will be an integral part in raising two strong Christian children that can not only survive this world, but change it for His glory.  I have taken more pride in myself.  I'm learning to take care of me and to search deeper into my relationship with God and continue to listen to what He needs me to do.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm no super hero-mom that has it under control!  Ah, if only I had something under control.  I'm just learning to listen closer.  To tune my ear into His voice.  And to take the next step of faith.  I love serving a big God.

Where does the time go?

When I started this blog, I thought it would be a great outlet for me and a way that family and friends could somewhat keep in touch and watch the kiddos grow.  Hmm, I guess that would require me to actually post something more than every 4 months, right?  But who in the crap has time for that?

Brady and Brooklyn are growing and changing so quickly and time is passing so fast.  Especially from 10:00 PM to 6:00 AM!  Are we really sure there are 8 full hours in between?  Because I'm pretty sure I'm feeling shorted in that category.

We moved into the new house a month ago and are pretty well settled.  We still have random boxes of stuff that haven't found a home and haven't quite made it to the dumpster yet, but I imagine that's pretty normal!

 The kiddos are adjusting to the new commute we have.  It's only 20 minutes, but it can be the LONGEST 20 minutes with 2 little ones who desperately want out of their seats.  Before we moved into the new house, we lived onsite of the daycare I run.  It is church based and the pastor retired, leaving the 5 bedroom parsonage empty and looking for a renter when Brady was 4 months old.  From September 2010 to November 2011, we lived there; which meant Brooklyn NEVER had to ride in a car seat everyday and Brady only did it for 2 months.  This commuting thing was a big change for them!

And the new mommy having to get them dressed- remembering all their stuff-getting them in and out of the van everyday-without having a meltdown herself-and don't forget that I need to look semiprofessional by the time I actually get to work so I can sell how awesome our daycare is-morning routine is really exhausting.

I've been "Pinterest"ing ways to stay organized with everyday living including cooking in bulk so dinner time can run more efficiently (which is going OK), researching fun little projects to do with B&B in my "spare time", and generally getting addicted to all the awesome ideas on there.  I just wish I had more energy at the end of the day to actually do something I enjoy doing.

If I was a New Years Resolution kind of girl, this would be the list for 2012:
1) Develop a workout routine I enjoy- just to have an outlet and create a healthier lifestyle
2) Spend 1 hour a day doing something I enjoy like crafting/sewing/reading/walking- SLEEPING.
3) Read a book a day to my kids.
4) Pay off a credit card (we don't have much personal debt, but "some" is too much)
5) Have my nails done on a semi-regular basis.  (It's just a superficial thing I think makes me look more put-together)
6) Pray. and remember to be thankful for all things, big and small.

Life is certainly interesting with 2 beautiful babies under 2 years old, a fabulously ignored husband, and a full-time job.  When people told me I'd have my hands full- I had no idea...
But I'm thankful for every exhausting minute!

Time flies when you're raising 2 little children, working a job, buying a house...

Holy moly,  to say we've been busy is an understatement.  Brady and Brooklyn continue to change everyday, both in stature and personality!

Brady still enjoys being the life of the party and has recently gotten tubes in his ears (thanks to ever present ear infections) and has really kicked up the energy level.  He loves anything with wheels and Cookie Monster.  He runs from one end of the house to the other with an ear piercing shriek and will climb the couch in no time.  He's certainly a classic boy!

Brooklyn's personality is really starting to blossom as well.  She likes to move and know what's going on around her.  She giggles a lot and has mommy's dimples.  She loves to watch Brady (especially during the shrieking through the house) and is really a Daddy's girl from the start.  She's been a pretty delicate eater to this point, but is really starting to put some food away!  We're going to start experimenting with new foods this week to try and get her fuller.  I think she definitely looks more like Chad than Brady does.  She's fairer complected and is still a little cue ball for the most part.

We've bought our first home and are now waiting for an official closing date (don't buy a government owned home if you have time constraints- they'll take their sweet time, for sure!)  It's in Pevely so we're a little closer to "home".  We are so excited to get settled and enjoy the holidays together as a complete family this year.  I can't wait to see their faces on Christmas morning!

All in all, life is great and incredibly hectic at times.  God is good to us.  He's blessed us with a beautiful family, wonderful home, stable secure income and a heart for others.  We certainly couldn't ask for more.

Long time, no blog...

Wow, what a whirlwind of a few months it's been!  It goes without saying that Ms. Brooklyn has made her arrival safe and sound and has been SUCH a blessing to our little family.
I had a lot of trepidation about having 2 children so young and how the added responsibility would change our lives, but we figure it out everyday and wouldn't change a single detail!

Here's my favorite picture of  "Little Bit", as I call her.  She's a very sweet, calm personality and is so much like Brady.  She looks like him, but very much individual.  She's 11 weeks old now and is starting to be much more interactive.  She coo's and smiles at us when she wakes in the morning.  She loves to cuddle and talk to the ceiling fans!

Brady is so good with her, too.  He's always looking for "sissy", as he calls her, and loves to give her kisses.  For the most part, he ignores that she's around but as soon as she cries, he's quick to find her and try to give                
                                         her a binky.

Life is good in the King house; speaking of King 'house', we've started the hunt for our first home.  We're been renting from the church I work for for the last year or so and are ready to settle into our own home.  I'll keep you posted on the progress!

Have a great weekend~ and I'll try to stay in touch more often now :)

My Brother: Part 2...

You must have been in a place so dark, you couldn't feel the light
Reachin' for you through that stormy cloud
Now here we are gathered in our little home town
This can't be the way you meant to draw a crowd

Oh, why?
That's what I keep askin'
Was there anything I could have said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were maskin' a troubled soul
God only knows what went wrong
And why you would leave the stage in the middle of a song
("Why" by Rascal Flatts)


It's funny how bringing a life into the world makes you evaluate and appreciate everything in a different light.  My kids make me think about things with such different mentality.  I re-visit my own childhood and remember the good things that I want to recreate for Brady and Brooklyn. 


I think about the relationship I had with my own siblings.  Oil and water.  I think that's the best way to describe it.  Donita and I were far enough apart that our relationship didn't really develop until we were all that was left for each other.  From what I remember, DJ and I were like Tom and Jerry.  We had moments when we could kill each other, but were always the first to jump to the others' defense. We played outside together riding bikes, playing in the creek, making mud puddles, destroying things we probably shouldn't have, fighting over the TV channel, throwing things at each other...you know, typical sibling rivalry.  


As we got older, obviously our relationship changed.  I started middle school, liking boys and he was now "the little brother" that was always around.  Bugging me when I friends over, irritating me when I was on the phone with Chad and just trying to piss me off.  At least that's how I saw it then.  I'd give anything for him to piss me off now.


Once he started middle school and I got my first job(s), we didn't relate much anymore.  He played football.  I remember sitting along Middle Street watching practice with mom and Sally Whitener.  I didn't know him much anymore.  He was changing and so was I.  We drifted apart, but he was still my brother and I would've been the first to jump to his defense.  


Oh, why?
There's no comprehending
And who am I to try to judge or explain?
Oh, but I do have one burning question:
Who told you life wasn't worth the fight?
They were wrong
They lied
And now you're gone
And we cry

'Cause it's not like you to walk away in the middle of a song


I may not have been spending every waking minute with him, but I still felt like he was there if I needed him and he knew I was there for him.  We just didn't NEED each other anymore.  At least that's what I thought.  Little did I know that he was just starting to struggle with life.  Middle school and high school can be hard for girls, but it can be just as trying for boys.  From the outside, he was the happiest most care-free person you'd meet.  The big dork was even on the cover of the local newspaper his senior year for riding our tractor to school with some of his friends.  His was just quirky like that.


I got married, he went to college.  I could tell he was changing.  He liked to be the life of the party and became a real "John Deere" kind of guy.  Cut off jeans with cowboy boots.  Plaid shirts with the sleeves ripped off.  Hat hair all the time.  His friends were an interesting crowd.  Some were good to him, some took his generosity for granted.  He worked random jobs while at school, liked to go mudding and have a beer in the evening.  Through all this freedom, he would've been at my side if I'd ever needed him.  What a great man.


Your beautiful song
Your absolutely beautiful song


He finished school, moved back to Farmigton and worked at a trucking company.  He was still looking for his calling and experimenting with life as he tried to figure it out.  


Then mom got sick.  He made the daily trips with us for 6 weeks before she passed.  He was never the same again.  He blamed himself.  As we all carried some guilt.  I guess children just do that no matter their age.  Those 2 years after mom died, he really struggled.  He withdrew from us.  He tried to look and act the part.  I could feel something wasn't right.  I knew it, but I thought he was grieving and would eventually find his way without interference from me.  I thought if I asked too much, he would completely disappear.  So I never asked.  What a mistake.  


I remember one day he came to St. Louis and we went shopping for new clothes and a haircut for him.  I thought he was "coming out of the gray" and wanting to put himself back together.  I see now, he was trying to mask his pain and recreate what he thought we wanted.  We spent much of the afternoon together (with the girl he was seeing at the time) had lunch, bought some clothes, found our childhood dining table at Goodwill (which he bought for his new rental house).  It was a good day.  I thought he was back.  I chose to believe he was back.  


He called when he got home that evening to let me know he made it, he loved me and that he had enjoyed the day just getting to spend time with me.  I could still feel "it".  Something wasn't right in his voice.  


So I asked, "DJ, are you happy?"...there was a pause and then he replied, "I'm working on it."  


He had said enough to satisfy me.  It was close enough that I wouldn't push anymore.  I just made sure he knew that we wanted him to be happy, no matter what that meant for him.  What a cry for help, as I hear it now in my head.  The biggest regret I have is accepting that answer and choosing to believe he was OK. 

Now the oak trees are swayin' in the early autumn breeze
A golden sun is shining on my face
Through tangled thoughts I hear, a mockingbird sing
This old world really ain't that bad a place


Fast forward about a year...Three Rivers Cemetery on a sunny April morning.  Standing, staring at a powder blue casket surrounded by people and not seeing any of them.  I felt like such a failure.  I had let him down and now there's nothing I could do about it.  I don't know how long I stood there after the service was over as people began to leave, but I remember finally stepping up to his casket, kissing it and saying my final words to him...


..."I hope you found what you were looking for.  I hope you're happy now"...


Now, I see my own son and think about how much Uncle DJ would love hanging out with him.  He is so happy-go-lucky like DJ.  He loves to play with anything that has wheels and they would've been the best buddies.  And Brooklyn would've been a spoiled princess.  He would've loved them.  He DOES love them.   And he loves me, he doesn't blame me and I'm working on not blaming me either.